I’ve been a little loathe to write. Fear of jinxing it. Fear of embracing what is actually Given, disguised as non-attachment. Fear of opening my heart wide to the ebb and flow of healing. The deep wash of illusions and the commitment to Truth. I don’t know why—it has only ever brought me release and joy. Embracing this Holy Relationship in such a non compromising way has us facing death threats daily. I chose Life and my cross country US tour came to the end of the road, quite literally outside your door.
I prayed today to have the courage to let God do his part by doing mine. I let go of trying to control the flow of the river and faced my feelings of abandonment. You texted immediately asking, “Going well over there? ” The boat in the marina even asked me to “Just sit-back” but a lifetime of overcompensating yields a miracle blindness and false evidence of personal control and power. I’m yielding now. I need to know I’m loved. This Spirit inspired relationship signals the end of my own personal will—logically it’s insane to take it on. It’s happy dream worthy and therefore self-concept suicide. It offers only a deep polish and the mirroring of eternal realities.
High fidelity? I’m up for it. I just can’t believe you called my bluff and want to do it with me. It doesn’t match the story. The tale of low level resistance in the face of stoic resolve. What if I have been wrong all along? The reflection of a rebel without a cause has morphed into a saint in training and I can now feel my own reticence. I look up reluctantly from tortured features. Your open face is oblivious to the blemishes. I am bereft of pretense. All niceties have failed me. All composure and posturing is gone. I am barefaced and bloated and with you all day long. It’s endless the time we can spend in each others company, compleetely content and epically enthralled by Forgiveness.
The affinity is so high. My resolve fails. You were playing in my heart long before I knew who wrote the sound track. No one needs me right now. I am Given solely to You and it’s all for me to let go!
The most scary movie to me in the world used to be the Pixar classic “UP” where the traditional special relationship is exposed for all it’s pitfalls of seeming limitation in time and space. I genuinely went into terror watching it—twice. It’s so the opposite of my independently minded, self sufficient “I can do it” solo self-concept.
I saw Ellie and Carl’s contentment in each other as a death knell on the spirit of adventure they both shared. I feared the complacency of getting everything you want seemingly in another. I was determined that wouldn’t happen to me. I vowed I wouldn’t fall for the ego’s most boasted gift, I would find a better Way. So I sought and found my given pathway A Course in Miracles only to discover that it is a pathway of relationship and undoing, where you don’t get to go Home without your brother! For the past 10-years I have been a devoted traveling Sanyasi. Sometimes stationary for a period but always without a time frame, and never with any permanent type of a base. Part of a community of the mind yet for the most part unattached in a world of false promise and possession.
I have learnt to set my sights on the light of Christ in every-one I meet and found consistency in a steady gaze devoted to Forgiveness. The Vision of the Holy Spirit has given me more true comfort and safety than any reliable paycheck or stable home. The hearth-fire is set and an eternal flame has been lit. This is continuity, the closest we can get to the Eternal. Happy for no earthly reason I sit with my brother, sister, man, woman or child in profound intimacy.
Tim: [voiceover] The truth is I now don't travel back at all, not even for the day. I just try to live every day as if I've deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life. We're all traveling through time together, every day of our lives. All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable ride. VIDEO CLIP
Todays reading and lesson: The attraction of Love for Love. And now before me I am invited to use a singular mirror as symbol of commitment, a tool of transcendence and a vehicle for forgiveness. One in which all fluctuations invite awareness of dreaming, a veritable watch parable of awakening. I won’t be playing by the rules of engagement. I will be setting them, aligned to the beauty within.
“All your past except its beauty is gone, and nothing is left but a blessing. I have saved all your kindnesses and every loving thought you ever had. I have purified them of the errors that hid their light, and kept them for you in their own perfect radiance. They are beyond destruction and beyond guilt. They came from the Holy Spirit within you, and we know what God creates is eternal. You can indeed depart in peace because I have loved you as I loved myself. You go with my blessing and for my blessing. Hold it and share it, that it may always be ours. I place the peace of God in your heart and in your hands, to hold and share. The heart is pure to hold it, and the hands are strong to give it. We cannot lose. My judgment is as strong as the wisdom of God, in Whose Heart and Hands we have our being. His quiet children are His blessed Sons. The Thoughts of God are with you.” (T-5.IV.8) A Course in Miracles
And so how will this turn out? I don’t know, pleasing the Spirit in service to Love, tomorrow is not my concern—I only have today!
Today you’ll make me say that I somehow have changed
Today you’ll look into my eyes, I’m just not the same
To be any more than all I am would be a lie
I’m so full of love I could burst apart and start to cry
Today, everything you want I swear it all will come true
Today, I realize how much I’m in love with you
With you standing here, I could tell the world what it means to love
To go on from here, I can’t use words they don’t say enough
Please, please listen to me
It’s taken so long to come true
And it’s all for you, all for you