~ Cincinnati, October 22nd 2017 ~
When I got my calling it was a complete shock to me. I had no idea I was on a spiritual path. I didn’t know the word enlightenment and had no understanding that I was asleep and in need of awakening. I wanted Peace—now. This intimate practical need had me totally devoted to and devouring the teachings of A Course in Miracles in isolation. I had no idea it could lead to a total clearing of pain and suffering for all. I had no awareness that there was in fact another world—yet I was already convinced that there had “to be a better way.” I decided to believe the Course entirely—since then every day has been an epic adventure of discovering what is true and discarding what is false. All the Love remains and only the illusion of conflict has been lost.
The following letter was written a few months after answering the Call while I tidied up my affairs in Ireland. I have a wonderful and loving family and at the time my “mom” was one of my best friends, I had built a house across from hers and we ate a meal together nearly every day.
~ Ireland, 24th December 2008 ~
Bit of a rough day, so thank you for your e-mail.
I explained the concept of specialness and releasing it to Fiona, who said I can’t stop her being ‘my mother’. With lots of Love and all the composure I could muster (feeling loss) I explained that there would be no one left to mother. It was so surreal watching all the hurt and rejection of self that is my own loss of self. But the experience was not of going into guilt. Just sorrow in the process. I am finally at peace and on good terms with all ‘my people’ so now I leave?! Actually, when better to leave, I’m done here.
Of course my experience, not to malign it or feign complete immunity was of telling ‘my mother’ I was going to die. And that when she rounded with false hope of maintaining the status quo I had to be uncompromising in saying, that I would be dying alone without mothering affection. Thus denying her or myself false empathy. Of course when I got back to my house I was distraught, it was like having been to your own funeral. This is my leap of faith. That I can leave all the bodies with whom I have a very personal attachment (dependency), therefore abandoning my small self and join with others transpersonally. Where Sarah is not important or special and only what serves the greater good is entertained. I am not running into substitute arms of a pseudo family. It is a structure of emptiness that the Foundation for the Awakening Mind provides, of room for Spirit to indwell so that there your connection and every perceived need is met, as it is in truth, solely by Spirit.
When I return to Cincinnati it is for that. I no longer have my previous expectation of camaraderie and friendship. Which when I realized last October I had been attempting to make a substitution instead of a leap, floored me. It is impersonal at the Peace House, that is how they can extend to so many, that personal burden of need and reciprocity of false empathy and ‘care’ has been lifted. In one sense when you’re there you are completely isolated, that small self doesn’t get a welcome. The joining is in Christ and the Joy and union is in operating from and at that level, more and more consistently. You are called to step up, out of lack and accept your abundance and innate Innocence and Worthiness, therefore recognizing your previous preference for victimhood, guilt and need of rescue from the ‘cruel’ world.
Once you have stepped up and out, there is mighty companionship, Joy and laughter—but in between there is the void. The precipice ore which you must leap with faith towards a future to which you are blind and trusting. But you have heard the clarion call and your long stifled song rises up within you. A clear note to carry you over. For you’ve heard the distant Unison and you are no longer convinced that this muffled world is truly your range. And so, slowly, unbound from deep within you, springs the leap. It over takes all fears of consequence and joins in Unison. It is beyond your small stride and taken by Whom you truly Are. In an Instant you break the sound barrier and realize You are Home. Now. Eternal Song.
This resonance with the real world allows all harmony in relationships in time as we slowly spiral out into an experience of Eternal Now. Our Mighty Companions are revealed in chorus and joined in purpose we sing together. Unison becomes our daily experience and we wonder if the other world of trapped, strangled screeches ever really existed… or was it merely a dream! I’m sure mighty companion that you can hear me hum as we all move in Unison towards the same moment, Now!
Now it’s 9-years later. I’m sitting in Pam’s spare room in Cincinnati visiting with her. Even though we hadn’t seen each other in years the same bright sunshine washed through as we connected and I remembered the support of mighty companions in mind even when the bodies are far apart. There are many paths back to God but only one Way to Know Thyself. This question of identity is a surrender of what can be attacked in favor of what is inviolate.